"That cut doesn't look that bad."
"That looks like a broken fingernail, she's exaggerating."
"Surely she can hit the space bar with her left hand and pull her pants up with another finger."
No, she can't, and don't call me Shirley.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
I'd cut off my thumb to spite my hand. WARNING - DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY GROSSED OUT!
I hosted some of my grad school friends at my house today for brunch. I knew for sure that I would be serving "The Bacon Experiment," which is a new style of bacon I've been working on. I had tested it at home with Joe several times but had never served it to anyone else. It was yummy. If you'd like to participate in the "The Bacon Experiment," please contact me and we'll get you all set up. Someday I'd like to have a bed and breakfast where I could do "The Bacon Experiment" every day.
But bacon is beside the point right now. The other dish I decided to serve was an Asparagus Mushroom Strata (named the Eric Estrata by my friend Amanda), one of my favorite brunchy dishes. The Eric Estrata calls for french bread cubes, so I bought a big loaf and brought it home to cut up into cute little cubes last night. In the process of cutting, I sliced off part of the tip of my thumb. It hurt.
But my thumb hurting is beside the point right now. This injury has made me realize how much we need our thumbs! Here are things you will have trouble with if you ever slice off part of your thumb:
1) Putting on a bandaid by yourself.
2) Opening a package of bacon (this did not hinder the execution of "The Bacon Experiment" - I used a knife to open the package, which could have resulted in more pieces of my fingers being cut off, but "The Bacon Experiment" is worth the risk).
3) Pulling down your pants to go to the bathroom. If you haven't noticed, the thumb acts as a hook. The other fingers are not quite as comfortable playing the "hook" role.
4) Getting toilet paper off the roll. Sorry, it's the truth. I roll with reality here.
5) Rummaging through a drawer. Yes, rummaging hurts.
6) Taking comparison pictures of your uninjured thumb and your injured thumb.
But bacon is beside the point right now. The other dish I decided to serve was an Asparagus Mushroom Strata (named the Eric Estrata by my friend Amanda), one of my favorite brunchy dishes. The Eric Estrata calls for french bread cubes, so I bought a big loaf and brought it home to cut up into cute little cubes last night. In the process of cutting, I sliced off part of the tip of my thumb. It hurt.
But my thumb hurting is beside the point right now. This injury has made me realize how much we need our thumbs! Here are things you will have trouble with if you ever slice off part of your thumb:
1) Putting on a bandaid by yourself.
2) Opening a package of bacon (this did not hinder the execution of "The Bacon Experiment" - I used a knife to open the package, which could have resulted in more pieces of my fingers being cut off, but "The Bacon Experiment" is worth the risk).
3) Pulling down your pants to go to the bathroom. If you haven't noticed, the thumb acts as a hook. The other fingers are not quite as comfortable playing the "hook" role.
4) Getting toilet paper off the roll. Sorry, it's the truth. I roll with reality here.
5) Rummaging through a drawer. Yes, rummaging hurts.
6) Taking comparison pictures of your uninjured thumb and your injured thumb.
Good Thumb.
Bad Thumb.
7) Pulling a debit card out of your wallet. OH MY, I was so unaware of what my thumb was doing all those times I pulled that card out!
8) Washing your hair. I'd never been aware until today that this is really a two-handed job. I wonder what other unknown two handed jobs are out there for me to discover?
9) Typing. Especially the space bar, which before today, I never knew I used my left hand for. Yes, I'm suffering for my art today.
10) Washing your hands. There is no rubbing or scrubbing. Only a delicate touch to make sure you don't hit it. This is sort of interesting, because I know my hands need to be clean, but I'm a little concerned that my light hand washing may not be enough. I guess we'll know in a few days if an infection breaks out.
Thanks for joining me on this very special edition of
"Opposable Thumbs: They Really DO Make A Difference."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
